One Good Place

"It is essential to experience all the times and moods of one good place." - Thomas Merton

Sitting in one place for at least two hours, I'm watching the bird feeder that hangs from the deck of our house. Beyond the feeder is eight acres of woods. Thick with trees. Birch trees reaching up to the sky and some fallen over. A few brown leaves linger on the otherwise bare trees and snow covers the ground and deck.

With sketchbook in hand, I focus on the birds that come and go. My assignment is to use ink and document my week. I can use water color as well, but no pencils! I study the scene for a while and then begin to sketch the lines of the deck and the railing around it. I begin to fill in the wood grain on each rail and the finer details of  the rusted little nails holding it together. The next thing I sketch is the feeder. 

Now, I'm ready to add a bird or two. Wow are they fast! And when they land on the feeder it spins and they go round and round. Sometimes 3 or 4 of them together spinning. I only get a quick glance as they swirl by. I start to recognize my little visitors from the bird book we got at the Natural History Museum. There are 3 or 4 purple finches (which are actually red), and many black-capped chickadees and nuthatches. Then I see one I need to look up in my book and I learn that it is an American Tree Sparrow and flies south from Canada to winter in Wisconsin! :)   Coming from Arizona I find this amusing. Eventually a Red-bellied woodpecker much too big for this feeder arrives and takes a spin around.

I put down my pen and I realize that my perspective is way off. I have a gigantic bird feeder. But it's an ink drawing and I'm committed to what's there so I continue on. I add a bird on the deck and two on the feeder. I quit for the day. I look at some of my fellow students sketches online and I read the comments. I'm not the only one with a skewed perspective, I see it in a couple of really sweet drawings that are also done in ink and finished with splashes of water color by two of my fellow students. They both lament about the size of something in their sketch in comparison to the other elements, but in the end it doesn't matter. The comments from others is that this whacky perspective can work! It's a point of view, a unique interpretation. And I decide to own my whacky bird feeder, finish the sketch and even add some water color.

This sketch class is helping me learn valuable lessons that extend beyond drawing. I become very aware of my inner critic and how harsh and judgmental I am with myself. Thoughts arise about not being able to do this, my work isn't good enough, I'm not good enough and on and on. I also become aware of how impatient I am. I use to be able to sit and draw for hours and have no trouble focusing on all the little details and sketching each line with great enthusiasm. Now,  I fight the desire to rush through it,  finish it. I find it challenging to sit and sketch every day. It's hard to develop the habit of doing anything every single day and yet, think of all the time we waste. 

I know that art can be a kind of meditation. I want to be in the flow. I know it is possible and so I discipline myself to continue. Drawing, focusing and getting in the FLOW only come with practice. Consistency. Dedication. It can't be rushed. It refuses to be rushed. I breathe. I stretch. I resolve to slow down. I tell myself to " just do it". Have fun! Enjoy the moment.

I want to have a light heart. I want to experience the sacredness of each moment. 

I move to the front window and look outside. The wind is blowing the snow in swirls, sweeping it off the trees and rooftop. There are leaves dancing, skipping and sliding across the front lawn. It begins to snow again. It is perfectly silent here. I have the thought that I will sketch this view; the birch trees and evergreens at different times of day, in different light and in different seasons. I'll do a study of nature from this window. 


“To the attentive eye, each moment of the year has its own beauty, and in the same field, it beholds, every hour, a picture which was never seen before, and which shall never be seen again.” 
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our Real Journey

"Our real journey in life is interior: it is a matter of growth, deepening, and of an ever greater surrender to the creative action of love and grace in our hearts."  - Thomas Merton

Merton teaches us that we can find God in the daily routines of life; in our inescapable responsibilities. In our chores, our work, and in our relationships with others. The ordinary and mundane become a path to God. In the Rule of St. Benedict the monk is told to handle the humblest material things with respect and reverence. The garden tools or the pots and pans, buildings, furniture, farming equipment are all respected, valued and even loved, not for their own sakes but for the sake of God to whom they belong. 

Esther de Waal, in her book "A Seven Day Journey with Thomas Merton", says in Merton she saw a man who was totally present to whatever he was doing, whatever he was handling. He had a gentleness, a respect and reverence for the worth of each thing however simple. He did not 'seek to capture or possess...he allowed the objects to remain true to themselves and to reveal themselves.'

Merton's photographs, found in "A Seven Day Journey," tell us a lot about how he saw the world. De Waal says, "They help me to be aware of the presence of God in things which otherwise I might pass by without noticing. Many of us might go in search of a rose, a sunset, and fail to notice a brick wall, the dead roots of a tree. Merton photographed the texture of the wood in the roots, the relationship of one simple thing to another, the shape and form of everything that came to hand in his immediate world. He went out to each thing allowed it to communicate its essence, to say what it would, reveal what it would. He was always insistent on our need to 'see directly what is in front of us'.

De Waal goes on to say..."finding this love and joy in created things asks of me detachment. Just as with people, I do not own or possess. Everything is mystery.  I thank God for his amazing generosity and as I do so I pray that I may grow in awareness, in detachment, in gratitude. 

I tell myself I will think on these things when I pick up my sketchbook, my pen, my paints.  Will I remember? Will I remember, when I do the laundry later today or clean a bathroom or cook a meal? I make a commitment to remember. Once again, this involves slowing down, taking time to be sensitive to life around me. As Merton teaches us, the place to look for God is right there in front of us, right where we are. But we need to learn to see, to hear, and to feel. 

Prayer

This morning as I was reading onbeing.org, I read the following poem by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. I wanted to share it here.

    I Happened to be Standing

I don't know where prayers go,
     or what they do.
Do cats pray, while they sleep
     half-asleep in the sun?
Does the opossum pray as it
     crosses the street?
The sunflowers? The old black oak
     growing older every year?
I know I can walk through the world,
     along the shore or under the trees,
with my mind filled with things
     of little importance, in full
self-attendance. A condition I can't really
     call being alive
Is a prayer a gift, or a petition,
     or does it matter?
The sunflowers blaze, maybe that's their way.
Maybe the cats are sound asleep. Maybe not. 

While I was thinking this I happened to be standing
just outside my door, with my notebook open,
which is the way I begin every morning.
Then a wren in the privet began to sing.
He was positively drenched in enthusiasm,
I don't know why. And yet, why not.
I wouldn't persuade you from whatever you believe
or whatever you don't. That's your business.
But I thought, of the wren's singing, what could this be
     if it isn't a prayer?
So I just listened, my pen in the air.

---

"I Happened to Be Standing" from A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver, published by The Penguin Press, New York, Copyright © Mary Oliver, 2012, reprinted by permission of the Charlotte Sheedy Literary Agency.

Oliver has said that when she talks about prayer she's thinking of that oft-quoted line of Rumi's: "There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground."

Celebrating my Mom

Today is mom's 86th birthday. Tonight we will celebrate with a family dinner followed by chocolate-cherry cake and ice cream, and we'll probably play a game. 

I am very blessed that mom is here with us in Wisconsin, especially when she had the option to stay in Arizona, her home of the last 50 years! That, in itself, says a lot about who she is. She is an adventurer! Open to change, a person who continues to grow and learn and invite new experiences into her life. And she is an inspiration to her children and everyone who knows her.

She's funny and smart and such a good sport when we play games. 

You might be surprised to know that she is on FaceBook, reads the news and plays Scrabble and other games on her iPad and loves to browse and pin on Pinterest!

In Arizona mom volunteered for Back to School Clothing Drive for over 30 years; sewing and crocheting for children in need. She continues to serve kids here by sewing and crocheting for Operation Bootstrap, a local non-profit.

She is an avid reader and downloads books to her kindle regularly.

She sends emails to friends and does her banking on line!

She plays piano and does crosswords. If she wants to know something, she Googles it! 

She prays every morning and night and once you're on her prayer list you stay there forever. I don't know how she remembers all those names!

In Arizona she belonged to the YMCA and as soon as the weather is warmer she plans to join our local Y and get back into a Silver Sneakers workout class. In the meantime, she does Tai Chi and some of the exercises she remembers from her classes.

She's taught me a lot through the years. Mostly by example. She is very generous and kind. She is quick to forgive and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. She does not engage in gossip and never says an unkind word about anyone. She laughs and smiles a lot. She loves poetry and art and music and dance.

She's a lot of fun and so easy to be around. She has a strong faith. She loves deeply. She's strong and courageous. She's content. 

She told me this morning, "It's a kick, to be 86"!   :)

So, Happy Birthday, AnnieMae!! 86 looks gorgeous on you! I love you with all my heart. You continue to be my role model and inspiration. You give me courage and hope. I'm so blessed that you're my mom and best friend.

Lovely in Lavender

Stylin' in her Silpada and CAbi

Isn't she beautiful?

Denim and Diamonds Event for BTS

Susan and Mom December 2014

AnnieMae

Mom and her big brother Wayne 2014