Small Kindnesses

From "Daily Strength for Daily Needs by Mary W. Tileston:

"Be useful where thou livest, that they may

Both want and wish thy pleasing presence still.

. . . .Find out men's wants and will,

And meet them there. All worldly joys go less

To the one joy of doing kindnesses." 

                                                                        G. Herbert

"Kindly words, sympathizing attentions, watchfulness against wounding men's sensitiveness,  - these cost very little, but they are priceless in their value. Are they

not almost the staple of our daily happiness? From hour to hour, from moment to moment,

we are supported, blest, by small kindnesses."                                              F. W. Robertson

It doesn't take much to make a difference in this world. Just a smile you give to a passing stranger, opening a door, allowing someone to pull out of the parking lot ahead of you, giving a compliment, saying thank you. 

Just looking someone in the eyes is a kindness, an acknowledgement. Everyone is on a device these days, everywhere you go. Slowing to share a simple kindness may possibly turn someone's day around, lift a heavy spirit or give someone hope. I decided years ago that if I thought something nice about someone, even a total stranger, I would take a risk and tell them. I love engaging strangers, talking, sharing a smile or a laugh.

Do you ever notice how some people become almost invisible to others?

People often pass them by without a second glance, without a thought. Quite often this happens to older people or less physically attractive people or people who are homeless. 

What if we acknowledged everyone we encounter with a smile, a greeting and perhaps a silent blessing? It's a fun way to go through the day. Just share a smile or a friendly word with everyone and see what happens. No strings attached. No expectations. Some people will not return your smile or greeting and that's okay. 

This reminds me of a poem...

                                        Do It Anyway

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

- Mother Teresa

Going to Town

Mom and I left the woods and drove in to town today. We had lunch at a little coffee shop/cafe

called Emy J's. There were book shelves scattered around the coffee shop, filled with books and games like scrabble and local art on the walls. One side of the shop was a bar for smoothies, ice cream, coffee and tea, "the other side" was where you ordered from the menu. Lunch and breakfast served all day. :) We thought about the soup, after all it was 20 something outside, but instead opted for breakfast. Mine was a scramble with spinach, onions and mushrooms; so fresh and yummy. Mom had coffee with hers. We chose a table in the sun. (It was a gorgeous sunny day today!!) At the next table were two older women both wearing purple (mom's color). After lunch I talked with them and found out they were knitters and had just come from the store where we were heading after lunch! They were the unofficial welcome wagon and happily told us about a local senior center where mom might enjoy exercising, playing cards and knitting with others.

We were, in fact, on our way to the Wisconsin Wool Exchange, 3 doors down to learn to knit!!

I met Maud, one of the owners of the store, at my Thai Cooking class last week and she had invited me to stop by. Turns out we are related to her through my sister-in-law!!!! We fell in love with her shop. The Wisconsin Wool Exchange is a small worker-owned fiber store carrying many locally raised fibers including Icelandic, merino, angora, alpaca, and Shetland. They also have felting, crochet and knitting tools and books and many wonderful classes. The shop was packed with colorful yarns and handmade knit items, including hats, scarves, mittens, shawls, baby booties, purses  and so much more! Felted pins, hand made jewelry and the most adorable knit bunnies.

Maud helped us choose a good yarn for beginners. Mom and I both chose a wool/cotton blend in a color called baby's breath. We got our #7 bamboo needles and we decided, on Maud's recommendation, to start with the simple wash cloth. We sat for 3 hours and laughed and talked and knitted. Maud is a wonderful teacher and kept praising and encouraging us. Customers came and went. Another knitter, Ann, was there the whole time working on a yellow sweater that Maud was helping her with. We are on our way to being knitters!!!! We plan to go back on Saturday and hopefully continue once a week.

Today was a great day and reminded me of everything that I love about a small town. Slow paced, friendly, and people that make you feel right at home.

Counting my blessings...

Bene blessing

"If you're worried and you can't sleep

Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings."

Lyrics from a song written for White Christmas.


The blessings are endless. The more you look for them,
the more you see. As I count, I remind myself to say the simple prayer;
"thank you, thank you, thank you."

Sweet little chickadees on our deck.

Crocheting with my mom.

An unexpected phone call from my sister.

My mother-in-law dropping off spaghetti dinner.

Soft pillows.

Cozy blankets.

Our two little Bichon "kids".

The sound of the train.

Mom so cute in her sexy cowboy apron, making cookies.

The silence of the woods.

The blue gray light of dusk, barely illuminating the trees and snow covered ground

Waking to a gentle snowfall.

Fresh raspberries and blueberries in my yellow bowl.

This morning's gathering at the feeder;  mr. and mrs. cardinal, a blue jay, several chickadees
and the red-headed woodpecker who took a stab at the blue jay and chased him away.


Some blessings are obvious. My challenge is to be thankful in all things. My thoughts go to
Beth's illness and death. How do I see God there? How can I be thankful? I ask for help. I pray for faith to continue to see God in a world so full of pain and suffering.

A book that I have read daily for the past two years is "Healing after Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief", by Martha Whitmore Hickman. I think this is the best little book for anyone who has lost someone dear. Brief stories and quotes, little nuggets of wisdom have served to comfort and help me move forward. Often it was just the thing to make my tears flow, unleash the sorrow and start the healing. A catholic priest once told me that tears are just as important as laughter. He believed that a daily dose of both laughter and tears is good for the soul. Laughter and smiles come easily to me and probably to most of us. We have to remember to let those tears flow, too.

From Hickman's book:

"If we have ever wondered about the limits of our strength and our ability to endure, our experience of loss will tell us much. Our life is shaken to the foundation. But we survive. And out of this terrible, rarefied self-knowledge comes, if we are fortunate, a kind of empathy with all of creation - a sense of the wonder at the suffering and the beauty, of the world." Martha Whitmore Hickman

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." Isak Dinesen

"It is a costly wisdom, and God knows we would not have asked for it. But it is also true that coming through a great sorrow can make us stronger, teach us what is really important." MWH 

We face loss all the time, in many different forms; the death of someone dear, the loss of good health, the loss of agility, the loss of physical strength, the loss of friendship, the loss of a job, the loss of hearing, the loss of eyesight, the loss of youth, the loss of possessions, the loss of memory, the loss of our pet, the losses go on and on. It is good to remember that everyone we meet carries pain and sadness from their own loss. How much more compassionate we would be with ourselves and others if we thought of this each day.

The Course in Miracles, a book I read many years ago, refers to each encounter with another as a "holy encounter". I love this image. This holy encounter; this opportunity to honor, respect and bless each other. On days when I remember this, my heart feels full and I am aware of how we are all connected to one another.  I say a silent blessing for every stranger in the store, the homeless man on the street, the cashier, the person filling my grocery bags, the people in line with me. On a really good day I even feel compassion for the angry, impatient, rude stranger and bless them, too. I remind myself, that I also have been angry, impatient and rude and we need to forgive each other.

Think of all the holy encounters we have in just one day! Many opportunities to practice compassion and forgiveness. Remember to forgive yourself, too.

Transition

I was talking to one of my dearest friends this morning about transitions. After we hung up I looked up the definition and here is what I found:

1.noun. the act of passing from one state or place to the next.

2.noun. an event that results in a transformation

3.noun. a change from one place or state or subject or stage to another

4.noun. a musical passage moving from one key to another

5.noun. a passage that connects a topic to one that follows

6.verb. cause to convert or undergo a transition

7.verb. make or undergo a transition (from one state or system to another)

I imagined myself, years from now, referring to our move to Wisconsin as "The Great Transition of 2014" the way one might refer to the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 or the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906. This made me smile. But, truly, it is huge life event and I have to allow time for my whole being to process and integrate this change.

We take so many things for granted; the air we breathe, the light we take in through our eyes, the color of the sky, the intensity of the sun, the shadows, when the sun sets and when it rises, the temperature on our skin. 

Everything is different now. Most days my eyes take in a much dimmer light. On the occasional sunny day here in the north woods the bright light that bounces off the snow is stark and almost startling compared to the intense red orange ball of heat that lit the vast desert skies. 

The sky is gray, the ground white, the trees bare except for the evergreens. When the cardinal landed on the tree outside my window earlier, it was such a contrast in this otherwise black and white photo.

I have to ask myself if I'm breathing. Something that happens automatically in our bodies as a response to change or fear or sadness, is that we stop breathing. We hold our breath. We tense up. We brace ourselves; we steel ourselves. As a result our muscles are tight, we are not getting oxygen to our brain, we are definitely not nurturing ourselves. 

The Lovingkindness (Metta) Meditation is something I came across today at onbeing.org 

This guided meditation is led by Sylvia Boorstein, a buddhist teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in northern California.

She guides us to close our eyes and take a couple of deep breaths and feel ourselves in our surroundings. Lovingkindness meditation always begins with a blessing for yourself. So, think of a blessing for yourself. "May I feel safe. May I feel content. May I feel strong. May I live with ease." 

Now picture someone you love in front of you and that they can feel you wishing the same blessing for them, "May you feel safe. May you feel content. May you feel strong. May you live with ease."

Boorstein suggests you smile as you are saying these blessings. Next, you think of someone that you don't think about that often, but that you can picture. See them before you and wish for them the same blessing. Now picture strangers near and far, all around the world, the globe, people just like us who want to feel safe, to feel content, to feel strong and to live their life with ease. People who share the same wishes and hopes and dreams that we have as human beings.

Wish for all those people, all beings, "May you feel safe. May you feel content. May you feel strong. May you live with ease." 

If you wish, you can find her entire guided meditation at onbeing.org

Meditation helps us to soften, to breathe more deeply, to become aware. Mindfulness invites us to slow down, be present to the moment. Honor the breath. Feel your feet grounding you. 

In these moments I renew my commitment to nurture myself. To care for myself. For me, nurturing myself might mean:

asking others for support, taking time to write or do something creative, spending time with someone I love, spending time in nature, wrapping up in a big blanket and watching a movie with Jonathon, curling up in a chair and having a long conversation with a dear friend, eating a healthy meal, having a good laugh, singing out loud, moving my body (could mean taking a walk, dancing, yoga, exercising, stretching), getting a shoulder rub, lighting a candle and listening to beautiful music, getting lost in a good book...

I encourage you to nurture yourself. Take care of your self; your body, honor your feelings, your emotions. Notice what it is you need right now. Breathe!

             Slow down...

                             Put on some music,

close your eyes and say a blessing for yourself. Let it ripple out to those you love and then into the world.

Anne Lamott

My friend Patsy sent me off to Wisconsin with her favorite Anne Lamott books. I read and fell in love with Lamott years ago, and reconnecting with her now, as I'm struggling to find my balance and adapt to my new life is like listening to an old friend who encourages me by sharing her personal stories.

Lamott is simultaneously irreverent and deeply spiritual. She is wise and funny and she claims the best two prayers are "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Her words remind me not to take myself or even life too seriously.

Most of us can relate, as she struggles with anger, fear, grief, and doubt, but she always manages to (eventually) tap back into the joy, the surrender, faith and awareness that brings peace.

She lives by faith and a whacky sense of humor and she is brutally honest as she shares her journey of learning to have faith in God and in herself.

The Lamott books I have enjoyed include:

Traveling Mercies, Some thoughts on Faith

Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith

Grace (Eventually), Thoughts on Faith

  

Thai Curry

I took a basic Thai Cooking class yesterday with my mother-in-law at the UWSP. Our class was held in the culinary kitchen at the university. I loved the work stations! Little mini kitchens each with its own stove (gas and electric burners), ovens and cupboards full of pots and pans, dishes, baking supplies, knives and utensils. The stations for four were set up with the ingredients needed to make  3  Thai dishes and we shared our workspace with Maud and Simone a mother and daughter. 

Our teacher, Sasithorn, was born in Thailand and loves to cook traditional Thai food and share her passion for cooking with her students. She taught us how to choose a fresh lime (choose one that "gives" when you squeeze it and has a thin skin, thicker skin means less juice inside), the best way to hard boil eggs (this tip from "America's Test Kitchen" on NPR),  how to cook rice without a rice cooker and the importance of tasting over measuring when you are cooking a dish. In her country they do not talk in terms of tablespoons or cups nor do they pass down recipes with measurements, rather it is a bit of this and a dash of that and you continue to taste as you add each new ingredient to determine if you need more or less of the basic flavors. 

There are four basic flavors; sour, sweet, salty and spicy. Thai cooks always combine two of these tastes. The sour taste can come from the lime or tamarind. The sweet from sugar or coconut sugar. Salty from fish sauce and spicy from chilies. 

We made Panang Moo (Panang Curry with Pork), Yum Kai Tom (Boiled Egg Salad), Jasmine Rice and Fried Sugar dessert that looked a bit like Indian Fry Bread.

The food was really tasty and it was fun being in a culinary classroom cooking with others (a first for me!). Turns out Maud, one of our cooking partners teaches knitting at the Wisconsin Wool Exchange! She was so much fun that I think I'll have to check it out.